I am inundated with opportunities of late. Some for travel, some for play, some for relationships-all mine for the taking. The only preventatives from leaping on them all is time and money.
What a wonderful difference in my life from just two years ago when I felt so isolated and boxed in by a failing marriage and failing mental health. What a blessed release the divorce was for me. What a fabulous life I am now leading.
More later on the first opportunity I am grabbing!
"He who refuses to embrace a unique opportunity loses the prize as surely as if he had failed"
-William James
I am very grateful for my good mood and feeling like I am looking forward to the next few months instead of dreading them.
Furthering the conversation i tole them that I feel hurt and very worthless when they say things like that to me because it seems like my only value to them is as a thin person.
I was told that this is not what they mean by saying that, that they are worried about my health. I assured them my health is just fine. I need to remember to ask them to simply say they are worried about my health and not couch things in terms of bribery and backhanded compliments. i also need to remember to ask them if that is the ONLY thing they are worried about. I don't think it is...I think that they are worried I will end up alone with no partner in life. i am guessing here but it is an educated guess from things my Mom and Dad have said to me recently.
That is a normal thing for parents to worry about but they need to simply state that. I can grok them wanting me to be happy and healthy - i don't grok them telling me I am beautiful but really just could be so much MORE if I were thin...or that I am too stupid to run my own life and will never be okay on mty own.
I have also been being very honest with them. I dont tell them i am exercising when i am not or tell them I am doing a diet when i am not. This has led to an upswing of these crazy comments from them.
At this point, I am giving serious thought to not going to Hawaii at all. I want to spend time with them and have good memories with them. I am just not sure I can put up with this behavior any longer. I could spend vacation time with people who don't stress me out this much.
Also, i now own bumpits and am wearing one right now to try it out. its part of my costume for halloween so i was wondering how secure the thing was I am impressed! I feel very southern, but i am impressed!! LOL!
If I am sick this weekend, someone is going to die....and it ain't gonna be ME!!!
So I am still alive!!! More to come soon!!
I am grateful that the work continues on my house and it is getting done. I am grateful that my contractor does talk to me and answers all my questions when I ask them.
I am grateful that I am making this house into my home. That I have the funds to do so is an awesome thing. I am grateful that I am able to still make my bedroom a small oasis of calm among the crazy of the rest of the house right now. Looking at my made bed and the clean laundry all put away in the closet is a happy feeling for me right now.
I am grateful for friends near and friends far. With my internet out at my house, I have been invited to several friends' homes to use their wifi. I have also been able to talk to friends that are farther away on the phone or via chat and keep up with them. I really am very blessed in that department, and it is becoming easier and easier to remember that even though I might be by myself, I am not alone.
I am grateful for my intentions coming to fruition. Some have come to pass very quickly - and some I can see how they are starting to gel together for a future finality. The living "as if" part of intending is difficult some days, but when I remember to do so, things fall into place very very quickly.
I am grateful for phone calls from my Mom every day. We continue to grow closer and it is wonderful.
There, now I feel much happier about life in general. Look how much good stuff I've got going on!
- Mood:
grateful
I am also grateful for finding a check that I had received in the middle of moving and had never cashed!!! This allowed me to replace my tv that burned out sooner than I thought would be possible! I also was able to put money aside in savings towards eventually getting a new car.
It was a very nice weekend overall. :)
Today, despite the insanely prejudiced speeches by certain members of the congress, Maine legalized same-sex marriage.
*HAPPY DANCE*
- Mood:
bouncy
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slate_canada posted something on his blog today that, at first, made me really angry. Then I did that think I do where I really think about what must be going on with someone to make them say something that, to them, may not sound like much, but to someone they profess to love, makes all the difference in the world as well as pretty much negates their entire existence.I'm speaking of the congressperson from Maine who stood up and said that, even though her daughter is gay, she cannot support gay marriage or any bill that had anything to do with it.
When I got over the anger, my heart just broke in a million billion pieces for that family. For the ignorant Mother who used her "upbringing or the good book" as an excuse to stand on the side of hate and us/them. For the daughter who now knows that her Mother has never unconditionally loved her. For the rest of the family which is surely being divided by this very public and very insensitive (and that's putting it lightly) speech.
Some may wonder why I would bother feeling bad for the Mother. Well, part of my own spiritual 'stuff' is to try and remember to be compassionate. It ain't easy, lemme tell ya. But slowing down, finding compassion and remembering that even if I think this congressperson is dead wrong, she is still part of this crazy world and universe, and so is connected to me, to all of us.
Saddened by these events, I went to Facebook to update my status to something relevant about this state of affairs. And there I found the following had been posted by my cousin:
I watched it about three times before I started smiling.
Because I know that even though right now these people who think they know what is best for us (and whom we need to vet WAY more carefully before sending them to represent us), these people who are in charge of things that are hateful, and small minded and do not understand that even so many years after it was disproved by the Supreme Court for racial reasons "separate" does NOT mean "equal" in ANY sense of that equation. Right now, these are the people who don't listen to the majority. And right now the majority are not the most vocal or organized (but we're getting there). Right now...but...
I see this video, and I think of the kids in my youth group and I remember that we too will pass out of power and these wonderful, open, beautiful people will one day be in charge. These people who say "Fuck You" to hate and intolerance. These kids who without batting an eyelash talk about their gay friends dating lives and what boy is going with what boy to prom. To PROM people! I was in high school only 20 years ago but goddamn if ANYONE would have shown up as a same sex couple!!! And here, they simply take it as matter of fact that if you liked girls you would take a girl to prom...DUH!
Things like that make me remember to remain hopeful, vigilant! vocal! , but still hopeful that someday we will look back and go "Really? You mean you actually fought about who could marry who, Gramma??"
Oh, how I so very much hope for that day.
*waves* Hi! That's me!
The circumstance that led to the joke involving "queenbabs" has kinda...dissipated, so I felt that I wanted to change that here too.
You may or may not know that my maiden name was "Allen". Yeah, I'm Barbara Allen. There's a great story involving me, the girl who was sitting troll at my first Twelfth Night in Tre Girt See and her telling me QUITE adamantly that I could NOT BE "Barbara Allen" as it was a KNOWN NAME from folklore...yadda yadda yadda. I had to show her my driver's license. And then, as she took a deep breath to say what ALWAYS comes next when SCA folk find out that is my name...I cut her off and said "Yes! I know its a song!" and smiled.
And thus the latin phrase underneath my heraldry was born. Heh.
And...thus the meaning behind my new journal name.
Otherwise, its all the same folks!
- Mood:
bored
- 22:01 Attacked by kittehs for cereal milk. Escaped alive. Still they circle... #
- 09:10 Mondays just come TOO fast. #
- 12:03 I know it is Monday. I just knit my tail end into my hat. LOL! #
- 12:54 First try with a neti pot today to help with allergies. Seems to be okay so far...not sure if it will help but worth a shot. #
- 16:01 The day has not been a wash: I have at least made it nearly halfway through the new hat. Yay for desk knitting! #
- 19:38 I hate waiting for jeans to get dry. #
- 09:33 Why does it seem that whenever I change colors in my knitting that I am dropping a stitch. Hmmmmm....the things I'm learning with this hat. #
- 13:27 Co-worker is on a tear. If you don't hear from me after 5pm assume worst. Send hostage negotiator. #
- 08:48 I really dislike hitting the ground running in the morning. *sigh* #
- 14:28 i love it when users don't know what button they JUST PUSHED. #
- 15:02 Just as an aside to the universe: sounding like Lauren Bacall is cool and all, but really, can I have my WHOLE voice back? #
- 15:43 Divorce papers filed. Feeling...numb. *sigh* #
- 12:56 Back from getting the vessel sink and faucet for my master bath! Wheeeeee!! #
- 09:12 There is something that vaguely resembles my voice coming out of my mouth today. This is good. #
- 09:19 That's what it is...I have "Whiskey Voice". LOL! #
- 18:38 OKay, I'm done not having a voice now. Remedies anyone??? (Already doing tea) #
- 23:52 huzzah for prednisone and being WIDE AWAKE #
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